Why am I writing a blog about loving yourself, when I primarily deal with all issues business, specifically HR, related? The answer is simple. Through the past few decades, I have come to see some fundamental truths that I wish I had known when I entered the workplace. Take a look at the picture above. Do you ever take time out for yourself? There are billions of people who go to work every day, with the same baggage they have carried around with them for their entire lives. Some people appear to have been born with silver spoons in their mouth, while others have experienced hardship, that even we would shudder at if we knew the depths of their scars. But all of this, if left unresolved, leads to all things toxic in the workplace.
For example, some people might have a false sense of entitlement / better than, and others might feel like they deserve to be treated badly, and they meekly and fearfully take the bashings (verbal or non-communicative), because their jobs are their livelihoods, and they fear losing this far too much, so they opt out for standing up for themselves. Well, I hope what I write below, will help you start thinking about your own lives, and how you can let the baggage go, and truly know that you deserve a great job, with great employees and leadership. And yes, this is possible. We are all responsible to make this so.
I am not sure about you, but when someone tells me to forgive myself, to let things go, to forgive others, and to leave my past in the past, I know it sounds like great words of wisdom, but when one gets down to the nitty gritty of what life has thrown at us, or when we are mortified by our own actions, this isn’t a simple quick fix, although, it could be. I know, that sounds like a paradox, and it is.
Why is this?
I believe that it is largely due to the fact that we add emotive fuel to the memories of events and circumstances, and these emotions create a negative and harmful energy around the very things we are trying to move on from. I know this to be true, because I have lived with guilt for decades, over things that I cannot change, but yet I somehow cannot seem to shake the guilt, fear, anxiety and depression around certain events. I find myself asking myself – why on earth did I do/say that? What was I thinking? Look at the people you have hurt, and look at the hurt you have caused yourself. And honestly, none of these questions are helpful to myself or to anyone else.
I often think of (and pray for) those who are incarcerated, who are truly suffering, starving, living in war-torn countries and who feel less than. I have personal friends in some of these situations, and my heart cracks wide open for them. If you are or have been incarcerated, something lead you to carry out your actions, and no matter the reason, I truly want to let you know that you need to forgive yourself.
From a very young age (2.5 years old) I was raised by nuns until I was 9 years old. My religious background was Catholicism, but as I got older, this changed. I tried various spiritual paths, and in some I found peace, but in none did I find unconditional love or joy. My walls were up. My guard was up. My protective mechanism to save myself from hurt and abandonment was ironclad. No-one could get through this wall. And I was one very angry human. I mean, how hard could it be to feel the love and acceptance of parents who are meant to be there for you, especially in your formulative years. But survive I did, and a survivor I became. I could reveal more, but to what end? That is not the point of writing this blog.
What I am trying to let you know is that no matter what you have done, no matter what you have been through, no matter what you are going through, and no matter what anyone else thinks about you, what truly matters is that you come to the point when you know it is time to sit with yourself in honest dialogue, and to look long and hard at yourself, not as a victim, but as a person who has every right to be here as anyone else.
Regardless of what you have done, you can change. Love, courage and forgiveness can enter, and it is safe to let others get close to you. But you do not need to rush this all at once. What it takes is time and patience. What it takes is trust and hope. And more importantly, what it takes is a willingness on your part to allow love and healing to be a part of your human process of change and transformation.
Life is not about looking at others, blaming others or yourself, but rather, it is about embracing yourself just as you are in this moment. I am here to tell you that you are worthy of love. So please extend love to yourself first and trust in the flow of life, forgive yourself and others, and let the joy of life really take a hold of you.
The real reason for this blog is to tell you that no matter who you are, where you, what your life has been up until now, things can change. In an instant. I have friends fearing a fresh flare up of war in their country. They live with that fear every second of every day. I cry with them.
I am angry with the bullies in the workplace and in politics. Those who abuse their position of power and authority.
If I am not able to stand up to these bullies and help those who need help, who is going to.
I cannot, I will not, and I shall not remain silent any longer.
My mission is to bring humanity back into the workplace – and this is just the beginning.